Lyrics

In them hills of wv

LOST

When we are lost
I will be steadier
Than ever I was
I will keep my head
About me
And be calm
There is a cost
To giving up my time
To every little thing
That comes into my mind
It’s deafening
I cannot hear a thing

Remember when
I shook my own heart
With morbidness?
Sentencing myself to a life of deaths?
It comes to me
Before I sleep
Before I lay the body down
A vapor feeling
That condenses into sound
I will move on from this,
But not right now.

NOT LIKE OURS

Peeling layers in dim-lit bars
We illuminate our ancient scars
And the poker players
Got some too,
But not like ours, baby,
Not like ours

Coming together as we are
Painting each other
Hapless Renoirs
The cameo couples
Get some too,
But not like ours, baby
Not like ours

Arsenic tongue, binoculars
We’ve got sentiments
Sealed up in mason jars
The dead and the oceans
Keep some too,
But not like ours, baby
Not like ours

ELUSIVE GRIN

Trying hard to outgrow this skin
It’s far too constricting for the mood I’m in
But there’s nothing quite like your illusive grin
To distract me from my aim

Want to know what all this time was for
But I keep on losing my truth in yours
Til I can’t tell if I even exist anymore
Without saying your name

I have loved – with a will of steel
But I still bled my fingers on your spinning wheel
And I know in time that I will have my big reveal
And resign myself to freedom
Neither of us will have won,
But you’ll say:
“Baby, you know I’m not so tough.
Won’t you come down?
Come down and call my bluff?”
But tangled hairs and lucid stares are just not enough
When all is said and done
When the day is done
Cause I’m trying hard
To outgrow this skin
It’s far too constricting for the mood I’m in
But there’s nothing quite like your illusive grin
To distract me from my aim.

THREE WALLS

No one wants to work for an insurance company
You just end up here
Cause you’ve got mouths to feed
And you have three walls
To remind you
That you didn’t do
What you said you would
And three walls
To remind you
Something’s closing in

Cause you missed the mark
For something so important,
You took no aim
This is what happens
With a shot in the dark
When you justify
The waiting game

I know
You’re not the way
You used to be
I know
Because of what
I’ve fought in me
To be free of the
Wheels of
A family machine
But don’t we
Fall too easily
Back into the grooves
Into the grooves

Where you miss the mark
For something so important,
You took no aim
This is what happens with a shot in the dark
When you justify
The waiting game

You will miss the mark

OUT OF THE BLUE

There is a flame
Coming out of the blue
Stretches the iris
And reaches to you
She fusses and frets
At a glowing reflection
But can’t tear away the orb she was born into

The blue
Reaching out of the blue
Stretching and twisting at you
From inside of the blue blue blue

Throwing heat and light
Unconsciously
Eyes toward the fight
She cannot see how beautifully she glows
All she knows is a desperate
Everyday
“I cannot be free, but I must break away
From the Blue”
You reach right in,
Don’t you?
Burned by what is what it is
Acting just as flames do
Can’t do otherwise,
Though you’ll never ask her to

The blue
Reaching out of the blue
Stretching and twisting at you
From inside

CHRISTI

Here’s how she did it:
Slipped into the atmosphere
And everything around
Became suddenly clear
And she saw what she could not before

Here is what I know:
She was a dancer, a painter
Her mother was a recluse
Her brother was a jerk, just like mine

That was our common ground,
Getting pushed around as kids
I never tried to go beyond her front door,
But I wish I did

Here’s how she did it:
First, she ran. Fast.
Until half of her was gone
And then the other half
Kept on straight into oblivion

Here’s how I imagine her now:
Dancing on her toes
On a sun-baked rock cliff
Stretched out across a narrow river crossing

To welcome being small
In the great expanse of canyons
That eclipse what she’s been
If you cannot win with the hand you were dealt
Sometimes you still go all in.

I envy her
The way she just disappeared
Between folds of rock and clay
And now I wonder,
Was she trying to come apart?
And now I wonder
If she feels apart or a part.

I STILL SEE YOUR FACE

Patty come home
And lock yourself alone
In a room with your own heart

No one’s ever gonna stop its beating
Like you do
When you come apart

Crying lady
And a selfish baby who
Shook the life right out

Have a feeling
You could almost change it
If you didn’t have your doubt

But I don’t know what
I should do about it now

Go to sleep
I am barely dreaming
And I still see your face
Wake up
In the middle of the night
And I still see your face
Go to work
In the early light
And I still see your face

But I don’t know what
I should do about it now

Every day you lie
Like you are someone else’s floor
But who are you
If you don’t do the things
That keep you from wanting more?

I don’t know what
I should do about it now

SPACE TO FILL

Some things – they cling
Nostalgia is the worst
Weaved in tender places
Where his hands were first

Friends like gravediggers
Gather round
To hold me up
As they pull me down
An earthen smell
On the fingertips
From digging deep in the ground

They say
We’ll give you a space to fill,
Yes, we’ve made you a space to fill.

So duck your head down
Your edges smoothed
Carved out,
Now you’re good as new
All it takes is a little scotch,
Tape and some glue

And we’ll give you a space to fill
Yes, we’ve made you a space to fill

They don’t see, there is
A quiet room in which I stand
A black blue box,
With heart in hand, and
Soft cherry blossoms
I’m keeping cradled within
my sleeping soul

I watch the tears
As they split and roll, then
Streamline over the curves
Like dew, or the index fingers
Of a man I once knew
As he drew in the air before me
A forceful, exaggerated hourglass
Then told me
(my face to the pillow)
To fill it fast.

He said
I’ll give you a space to fill
Yes, I’ve made you a space to fill

SUMMER NAP

Sunlight through the window
Just showed up
Before the rain could dry
And gave the summer sky
And amber glow

All the drops seem star-like
As the sun
Passes through them
It illuminates,
Shoots prisms,
And lets go

Sunlight though the window
Washes all across
Your sleeping face
And I imagine
Every grace lives there
Oh, what lives there

And I would spend my life
Learning to love you more
And I will not forget

How did this life get to be
The living art
Of you and me?
We light each other up
And then let go

I will not forget this day
Or the fragile beauty
In your resting face
And the delicate way
I’m held in place
To know
Oh, to know what I know
What I know

That I would spend my life
Learning to love you more

And I will not forget.

WHAT I WAS TOLD

So I looked
To find the answer
To my question
Found myself with room for plenty more
But I guess that
Hanging around here
Wasn’t doing it for me anymore

So I took
A leap into
My great depression
Found myself illusions to explore
An apartment littered
With glittering pain
So I stayed for a while
Til I found the door

All my perceptions leave me cold
And I find that I’m only doing
What I was told

So I stand
Before you scholar,
Perfect student
Guardian!
From error, now redeemed!
When the intellectual
High gives way
I see nothing is different
Or changed but the scene

All my perceptions leave me cold
And I find that I’m only doing
What I was told

EVICTION (Learning How This Goes)

I’m learning how this goes
I am finding out who’s living in me
And then I’m kicking them out

I’m taking back my eyes
I’m giving back your anger to you
It was never mine to own
(Though I cradled it tenderly)

Most of my time has been
Split distractedly between
What never mattered
and
What would not be

I’m learning how this goes
I’m happiest
When I let you be
And when I let me be,
as well

Suffocation is not love
Neither is demanding
That you do
What I say

To become
What I think I want
Because
You already are